Self Assertion? (Part 2)

I would like to further my writing on self-assertion, continuation from the previous entry.

Do you find yourself having problems in saying something that you want? I mean, honestly can you tell others what you really feel about them? If your friends doing something that you don't like, do you brave enough to tell them the truth?

There are several barriers that prevent us from being assertive. As being told, the worst enemy is ourselves which is self-criticism.

Lets assume that I usually talk to myself in a negative way. There are several times when I criticized myself so much after an assertive attempt and I felt reluctant to try again. I listed for you one of the examples:

Currently I was in training for 6 months in DK Composites, doing courses on Composite Manufacturing Technology. After the training, I was given an option whether I want to stay there as a permanent staff or not. Deep down inside, I have an intention to work there but I also have a doubt of my capability to perform there. Then, it comes my parents who disagree with my choice. The first trial of me trying to convince them that I want to work there didn't go quit well. We have a little argument and lastly, I felt reluctant to try talking back about it with them again. So, I took an easy way by choosing not to stay there because I want to avoid other conflict.

If I choose to be assertive, I am sure that there is a better way to solve that problem. I should let them know why I make that choice (directness) and if they do not agree, I should be assertive enough to discuss it with them (giving the full picture). I should know why they refuse and what are their suggestions. Then, it is a right time for me to make an evaluation (talking to myself).

To be assertive, we need honesty. By being honest, you express what you really feel. Not what you should feel or what you might wish to feel.

We also need spontaneity. It is the most difficult aspect of self-assertion to master because spontaneous reaction is usually aggressive, not assertive.

Direct, honest and spontaneous self-assertion allows you to avoid misunderstandings, emotional withdrawal, hurting other people unnecessarily and spending energy non productively.

Referring to my example, by not being assertive misunderstanding occurs between my family and I. Then, I withdraw emotionally and surely, I was hurting. Of course my parents are hurting with me. So, all of us are spending our energy non productively.

I want to improve myself. I don't want to let this incidents happen back again in the future.

I want you to make a change too. Let us learn how to be assertive.

Oh ya!

Each time you want to say something, do remember what the prophet said:

"Tidaklah seorang mukmin itu suka mencela, dan tidak pula suka melaknat, dan tidak keji mulut dan tidak berkata kotor: (Riwayat Muslim)

Let us seek guidance from Allah.

P/S: If you are interested to read this book, you can borrow it from me. Free of charge. If you are that person, do let me know!